Originally published in July 2021
Let’s jump on a quick call.” Has there ever been a more stomach-churning, eye-rolling, exasperating phrase uttered by human mouths? Why is this done? Why is it a commonly used term in the professional space? This isn’t something we do socially. If I asked a friend to “jump on a quick call,” they’d assume it was done in error and that I meant to send that text to a coworker probably named Steve. “Let’s jump on a quick call” is deceiving. We think it’s a professional act of responsibility but, it connotes laziness, a lack of clarity, and a complete disregard for someone else’s time. Let’s explore.
I will be clear in that the majority of the reason I busted my ass to build an independent livelihood for myself was to escape the utter bullshit and nonsense of the professional world. Days packed so full of useless meetings that no one can ever get actual work done, people clocking the time I enter and leave the office except I’m the first one in the office so my extra hours never “count,” painfully awkward small talk in line to get whatever lunch was gifted to the office that day — you name it. If it’s faux human behavior that thrives only in office environments, I want nothing to do with it, so I left. The amount of freedom and the absence of annoyance I feel is worth paying nearly $700 per month in health insurance costs; I’ll leave it at that.
And here you come asking to “jump on a quick call” like I didn’t fight tooth and nail to never have to do that again. I have never — in my life — “jumped on a quick call” that couldn’t have been accomplished more efficiently and with a more reference-able record than a goddamned email. NEVER! Every single time I hang up a “jump on a quick call,” I feel nothing but regret, frustration, and sometimes outright anger than someone has befouled my time in such a manner. When you have an hourly rate, and someone bamboozles their way into getting your time for free and for no reason, honeyyyyyyyyyyy.
When you ask me to “jump on a quick call” to give me pieces of information that I’ve already asked you for in an email, what that tells me is any of the following:
You don’t have answers for me
You’re pretty sure I won’t like the answers
You’re disorganized, and you figure you’ll get your shit together once you’re forced to talk through it out loud with me as your guinea pig
You want to rehash everything we’ve already discussed in email format, adding nothing new to the conversation, thereby adding yourself to the list of people I’d happily kick into a pool full of slugs
Notice how each scenario is an imposition upon my time that could have been prevented through a brief expenditure of your time first. If you want to “jump on a quick call,” it is your responsibility to ensure that we don’t need to.
The other scenario that runs rampant with “jump on a quick call” requests in my experience is when someone is trying to sell me something. I am a podcast host, and I create lots of content for single women. This can lead to any number of salespeople seeing me as a golden opportunity to hit their lead quotas for the month. I would rather eat s’mores with cold, untoasted marshmallows than give these people the chance to waste 30 minutes of my time when they could have written me a 90-second email instead.
A bit of present-day advice for the salespersons among you. If you are trying to sell someone something, and your prospective client is asking very clear, organized questions in emails: answer them. Do yourself a favor and answer them thoroughly and quickly. That’s what’s going to move the sale forward. What most certainly will not move the sale forward is awkwardly fumbling through email communications without formulating solid answers, all the while suggesting quick calls. If you don’t show me you have your shit together in an email conversation, why in the hell would I waste half an hour to sixty minutes on the phone with you? If you can’t sell me without wasting my time, it’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to sell me after you’ve wasted it.
We have been blessed with a gift. Past generations didn’t even have this option, do you understand me? Emails are more efficient, more reference-able, and completely absolve us of the obligation to small talk our way through the professional world, creating awkwardness we’ll have to devote significant sums of our salaries to therapy for later on. Just spell it out, friend! Tell me, clearly and concisely, everything you’d like me to know in an email. Words are words, and I’m no princess. Hearing your voice is no more valuable or prestigious to me than reading your typed thoughts in email format — quite the opposite. If I hang up the phone after we’ve “jumped on a quick call” that you suggested and I feel nothing but wrath, we’re not even communicating via email, text, or carrier pigeon anymore, capiche?
Work smarter, not harder. And beyond that, don’t make the person you want to “jump on a quick call” with bear the brunt of your inability to organize your information into a less-invasive format. I don’t understand why so many emails to me end in “let’s hop on a quick call” when I’ve clearly asked questions that are answerable with one’s fingers. Save me time and anguish, and I just might help you make some money. Do we have an accord? Respond via email at your convenience.