Perfect Pants For Picky People
As I’ve mentioned, I am pants-picky. My propensity for picky-ness extends to every pair of pants I purchase, but for purposes of the ponderance at present, I’m speaking of course about loungewear. What else are we even wearing right now. We’re stuck indoors for the foreseeable, and in my opinion we should only be wearing clothes that bring us joy, or that we can at least forget we’re wearing. But I can’t abide by just any pair of comfy pants, no no. The things that separate us from the animals are our standards.
My requirements for comfy pants are nothing out of the ordinary, they’re just lengthy in number, and thus make it difficult to locate garments that meet my rather specific standards. I require the following:
1) No closures. If I’m in loungewear, and right now it looks like I’ll be in it ‘til 2021, I don’t want anything other than a slip-on pant. No drawstrings, no buttons, and for heaven’s sake no zippers. Zippers are unwelcome at my quarantine. The hatred of closures comes from the fact that I have a very sensitive tummy, and any pressure at all on my midsection makes me very uncomfortable and puts me in a rather shit mood.
2) Light fabric. I can’t do fleece pants, sweat pants, no heavy fabrics of any kind. Particularly as we move into warmer weather but I pretty much feel this way always. I like to float about my apartment as if I’m an ethereal being likely to take flight at any moment. A gal can’t do that in sweats and also I find that thicker fabrics tend to look worn out faster.
3) Length. I do not, at any point in the day, wish to see my own legs. Thank you.
4) Affordability. When I find perfect pants, I buy them in multiples, so that I’m not without them on laundry day. Did you think I was kidding, friends? I live in my comfy pants.
5) Dryer-worthiness. I can’t be waiting for things to air dry, not in these trying times. I’m not gonna Donald Duck-it around my home for a half a day because my pants were too precious for industrial machinery.
6) They don’t fall off. I know this is slightly counter to point #1, and it’s the hardest requirement to satisfy. The pants have to be both slip-on and secure. It’s a tall order but I’m very serious about this. I need to know that when I put you on, that’s where you’ll stay.
7) Wide Leg: I like to feel like I’m wearing a skirt without having to actually wear a skirt.
Pant Perfection
Before you think I exist in an endless quest for clothing to cover the bottom of me, rest assured that I have found my perfect pants, and in my generosity, I will not keep them a secret. The pants I refer to are the Superline Wide Leg High Fold Over Waist Palazzo Pants that can be found on Amazon.com. Not only do they satisfy every need mentioned above, but they also come in a size range that accommodates me and all of my friends. We’re talking small-XXXL. All of us can enjoy this gauzy goodness for less than $20. I wear a size Medium, just FYI, check the size chart to determine what you’ll need.
Some things are too satisfying to keep secret, and my perfect pants deserve to be enjoyed worldwide. If you need an effortless, affordable, lightweight, closure-less pant that comes in 12 colors and costs less than takeout Pad Thai, these are the pants for you. And for me. Forever.
*This post contains affiliate links, and my closet contains three purchased pairs of these pants.
