Solo Episode: Where's Your Head At?

Solo episode! It’s been awhile since I’ve spoken alone into a microphone like a lunatic so here’s an episode of me answering questions you posed in Facebook Group that I named after a song by Basement Jaxx. Also, this weekend was amazing. There were TWO meetups of podcast listeners, one in Brooklyn (I went, yay) and one in Toronto! I still kind of can’t believe that people are hanging out together because they all listen to a podcast I make at my kitchen table but here we are, and it’s the most incredible feeling in the world. Many thanks to the organizers of these meetups, you absolute queens.

Below, I’ve included an email I recently received from a listener named Melinda Lim. I read it in this episode and wanted to leave it here if anyone wants to come back to it. I am so in awe of Melina and so proud of her for doing so many things that I think a lot of us have felt, at times, like we couldn’t or shouldn’t do. So much of the work I do is about ending “shoulds” and stigmas and it’s amazing to see this come to life.

You are all my favorite. Thank you for being a part of this community with me.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify, or below.

Books discussed in this episode:
No One Tells You This by Glynnis MacNicol
Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton
Life Will Be The Death Of Me by Chelsea Handler 

Melinda’s Email:

Hi Shani!

First, I just want to thank you so much for A Single Serving Podcast. I have enjoyed listening to the episodes so much and I find you and your guests incredibly inspirational. I've shared the podcast with so many of my friends - both single and partnered - and we're all so very grateful for this space you've created for single ladies who are just trying to live their best lives.

For a long time I've thought of being single as a place I needed to escape from (for context purposes I'm a 31 year old single lady living alone in DC and working as a lawyer). And the feeling of needing to escape has led me to make excuses for men and tolerate bad behavior. I've had moments of power in my single hood - I specifically remember my 30th birthday in NYC where 10 of my closest friends came out to celebrate me and the love in the room was spectacular, I felt incredibly supported and full on that day. But I think for the first time I'm realizing how much active work it takes to 1) find happiness in being single and 2) still having hope for a romantic relationship one day. And your podcast is such a support in that emotional journey for me.

I also wanted to tell you that your podcast has inspired a few exciting things in my life and the life of my friends! First, I've decided to adopt a cat. I've wanted a pet for a long time, but always thought "its better if I wait until I have partner, so I can have help with taking care of this animal." I'm done with waiting for that and I think overall I'm just done with waiting for my life to happen - so my cat search has begun! It has been so fun and exciting to look up cats and contact shelters in the DC area. Second, I've started to plan my first solo trip. I'm taking your advice and I'm looking into places that are close to me for this trip - Philly, Martha's Vineyard, and Charleston to name a few options. It has also inspired me to discuss solo travel with my girlfriends who have all done their own solo trips - one went to Iceland for her first solo trip like a BOSS.

Lastly, your discussion with Jess Wilkins inspired me and my friend Katie to plan what we are calling a "money-moon." The two of you talked about how weddings are basically the only time we can socially obligate our friends and family to celebrate us and it really resonated with Katie and me. Katie recently completed her Masters and I recently passed my second bar exam (NY, I'm already licensed in Louisiana). These are obviously huge deals to us and since we can't really socially obligate people to celebrate these achievements/open up a registry with West Elm for presents we've decided to plan a "money moon" - a trip for the two of us to celebrate these huge accomplishment and to celebrate each other. We're hoping our other friends follow suit and take the time to celebrate their own lives outside of their marriages and babies.

Thank you so much again! I truly look forward to many more episodes of the podcast and I also love when you share other single lady resources - I just ordered Glynnis MacNicol's book from my local bookstore and I'm so excited to read it!

Hope you had a great 4th!

-Melinda