Originally published in September 2018
I’ve stood on my single soapbox for awhile now. A brazen banshee (with perfect bangs) trying to communicate the simple truth that a woman who doesn’t have a partner is not a woman incomplete. I try to share the notion that being single can be—steady yourselves—something good.
But most of the time when I fly this flag, I feel like I’m out here alone. In a society that breeds (hrmph) the notion that single is bad, and couple is good, no one would ever think to react to a couple, an engagement, or a marriage with the same reactions I get just by living my life alone. Can you imagine?
“So, how’s your marriage going?”
“Go on any good dates with your partner lately?”
“You really seem to be doing well even though you’re married.”
Nobody questions couples! Nobody dares to say out loud much less into a Netflix microphone that maybe—clutches pearls—your relationship doesn’t need to exist. My singleness needs to end, I should find a partner right now, and do anything it takes to find someone even if that effort makes me entirely miserable, but that relationship you’ve been shoving down the actual aisle at far too rapid a pace is fine. Because that’s what humans are supposed to do. Daniel Sloss just very literally ripped you a new asshole.
Daniel Sloss is a 28-year-old Scottish comedian that’s had two new specials out on Netflix for about a week. Start with “Dark,” it’s profound, smart, and drop-your-La-Croix-on-the-floor funny. But it’s “Jigsaw,” the second special, that is his newfound claim to fame.
Daniel Sloss is getting everybody to break up.
Young relationships, decade-long marriages, you name it, he’s destroying it. And not because he wants everyone to be lonely, but because he wants everyone to be okay with being alone, rather than convince themselves they’re happy together. “Jigsaw” points out the very distinct possibility that your relationship is bullshit because you’ve convinced yourself it’s better than nothing. He ain’t wrong.
They never have to deal with it! Couples never have to deal with someone questioning or wanting them to “fix” the way they live their lives. Couples are assumed to be correct, to be right. But single people are assumed to be broken, assumed something is wrong with us. “Jigsaw” is the first time I’ve seen someone take a swing at couples and hit the ball the moon. I wasn’t this happy the day I passed the Bar.
In a recent Instagram story of his (always shot from underneath his own chin, honestly dude learn how to hold a phone), he referred to “Jigsaw” as “a love letter to single people.” And it is. It’s the first time I’ve ever, ever heard anyone both champion being single and point out very obvious but perpetually ignored facts about relationships, because we’ve all been groomed never to doubt them unless someone cheats or hits you.
According to this special, and I’d Google it myself but I’ll be late for work, 90% of relationships that begin before age 30 end. Ninety goddamned percent. I don’t know what the odds are for those of us over 30 but I’m obviously liking them more than that garbage. Statistically speaking, none of us should even consider having a relationship we foresee keeping for life until we’re over 30. I’m 36 and I’ve been single for ten years. Do you understand how fucking accomplished I feel right now?
“There’s nothing wrong with being single. There’s nothing wrong with being alone.”
I know that. I’ve been living that for years. But why suddenly does hearing someone else say it, especially a man, fucking rule? Because it doesn’t happen. Ever. Nobody questions relationships. Nobody bursts the bubble for people who have achieved what life has told them they were supposed to achieve—getting another person to bind themselves to you because you weren’t complete before you did. Daniel Sloss sawed the bubble in half and danced in celebration at its demise. While wearing a kilt. Not really just in my head.
And in some ways, “Jigsaw” doesn’t resonate for me because a lot of it focuses on being single in order to learn to love yourself before you think about partnering with another person. Daniel Sloss was 26 years old when he performed this. A lot of us already love ourselves. And there’s still nothing wrong with being single, and still nothing wrong with being alone. Because I am complete alone, and always have been. That was true before “Jigsaw” and it will be true after, but I will not deny how seen I feel today.
Literally speaking, a jigsaw is a motorized knife you’d find on the shelf at Home Depot. It’s a saw, a power tool. It separates one thing from another. Thank you, Daniel Sloss, for being on the side of singles. I hope that you always are, even when your adorable, shaved Scottish ass takes a partner. Whatever your romantic status, whatever stage you are in your puzzle, I hope you always continue to create intelligent, logical standup comedy, and always feel free to rip shit apart.