Originally published july 2022.
While scrolling TikTok, which one should never do, I came across a content creator I follow because she appreciates a good macabre decor moment much like myself. In her video, she shared the home office makeover she created because she “decided [she] deserved a proper office.” It went from generic suburban bedroom to chic black accent wall with gold chandelier and flatscreen TV in a matter of sped-up seconds. It was gorgeous. It was also achieved on a double income so I should stop feeling so fucking bad about myself.
This creator got married in September of 2021, I have no idea how long she’d been with her partner before then or if they’d cohabitated prior. But by my calculations if I got married in September of 2021 I would have $16,000 more to my name than I do now at a bare minimum. I’d be splitting rent, and my home office would, theoretically, look just like hers.
Let’s gloss over for a moment that two incomes instead of one can do things like afford homes with spare rooms for home offices in the first place. What I’d rather talk about are the impeccably styled, freshly renovated homes and apartments that belong to influencers who, to my knowledge, never stipulate that the reason they can accomplish all of these of these sweeping changes that end up as countless “tutorials” is that they have the disposable money to make them happen. This isn’t “having a good job.” This having some fucking backup.
For so long, I was always deeply frustrated by how half-assed my home decor, and holiday decor mind you, always looked in comparison to what I saw on social media, despite my taste and product selections often being identical to those recommended. Now I have wised up to the fact that creators who are married and splitting rent and bills with someone else, you know…as opposed to NOT DOING THAT AND PAYING FOR EVERYTHING ALONE have extra money available to add a layer on top of all their decor that I simply don’t. It’s the finishing layer.
The textures, the lighting, the abundance, the accent pieces. They don’t have one candle on the coffee table. They have seven. They don’t have a charming catch-all bowl in the entryway, they have three of them, nested. They don’t have a couple of affordable Trader Joe’s flowers in a vase, they have multiple bouquets at different heights in vessels of varying shape. They don’t just style a space, they layer it. Couples have layering money. I—a single—do not. At least not anywhere near what I’d have if I shared a bedroom with another employed person.
There are many moments in my community where we celebrate someone who just bought their own home or just moved into their first studio apartment alone. These are moments worth celebrating because they’re huge accomplishments. Solo home ownership and solo home decor are possible. But they’re harder. They take longer. They look different than what two incomes can accomplish together. And you know what, that’s fine. We are all living our own unique circumstances and our own life timelines. I don’t look at what couples have and want exactly that. That’s called comparison and jealousy and those are both wastes of my time. What I want is something else entirely: I want the fucking truth.
If you post a bathroom renovation or a bedroom “makeover” that you wanted because you “deserved” it I think you should also have to include some sort of disclaimer to let the folks at home know that you’re operating at a romantic advantage. One of many advantages people receive simply because they fell in love, which is also another nice thing they get. Couplehood is rife with perks and I for one am finished ignoring them like they’re just luck-of-the-draw hands at play. We perk these people too much and I’d like to shine more light on what’s actually happening. Here’s some sample text:
“Check out my brand-new home office makeover! I was able to accomplish this because I’ve been splitting my mortgage and bills with my husband for a year and a half. He also helped me physically with this project, everything from painting the room, to assembling my new desk (link in bio!) to installing the new light fixture so I didn’t have to spend even MORE money hiring a task rabbit. He’s also how I’ve been able to get all of the visual content that allowed me to build my following, for free. Life is always easier with a live-in photographer/videographer, right ladies?”
Don’t talk about this stuff like it’s attainable unless you’re being specific about how you attained it. Otherwise, it makes all of us who can’t afford multiple rugs to “layer” look at the one 8x10 we got on Prime Day as though we’re somehow doing it wrong. We’re not doing it wrong, we’re doing it the best way we can. And couples will always be able to afford to do it more.
So the next time you come across a home that makes you feel defeated, pause. Take a look around your home and then imagine doubling everything inside of it. Take a moment to be proud of everything you’ve created, and all the ways you’ve nested, to the very best of your solo income ability. I’m proud of you, and I hope you are, too. You deserve to be.