Extremely Feminine Furniture To Refuse To Give Up When You Partner
This is for anyone who’s ever avoided buying a pink bed, pink sheets, or anything remotely feminine by stereotypical standards because they were afraid a dude would never want to move in with them. I don’t judge us. Quite the opposite, I know that headspace, and I know it takes time to evolve out of it and stop giving a hoot what other people think. I applaud us for evolving in life.
And now I say: Buy whatever femme furniture your beautiful heart desires and then refuse to give it up when you partner with someone who, if they’re deserving of your fabulousness, would never ask you to anyway. You don’t have to change your taste in home decor just because of Brad. F*ck Brad. Let’s decorate.
Honestly just get four.
Green Dining Chair: I really like velvet home accents, I’m learning this about myself. This is sold as a dining chair but I think it would make a lovely vanity chair or desk chair, also. Word of advice for those who love velvet but also have pets, buy a trusty furniture de-fuzzer. I like this one because it’s zero waste, but I do keep strong lint rollers around too for emergencies.
And?
Pink Velvet Sofa: What, was it something I bought? I’m sorry Karl I wasn’t paying attention to you, I was too busy admiring my absolutely gorgeous sofa. By the way if this one feels to vintage-y to you, there’s a more traditional shape available here — it’s still pink, don’t worry. The cat is not allowed on this. Oh good god who am I kidding the cat is allowed wherever she wants to go.
Single Serving Sephora
Vanity Station: Not only will an amazing partner not mind if you use valuable bedroom square footage for your vanity, but they’ll also dust it for you with a Swiffer wand whenever they’re doing the chores. This also comes in a round mirror option, if you prefer.
Oui.
Bistro Chair: Listen to me Steven, my home is going to mimic a Parisian cafe and there is very little you can do to halt my progress. Now get your hands off of the good brie, that’s for company.
Coffee?
Mug: I’m sorry Greg, I can’t even speak to you until I’ve had my coffee from a mug with eyelashes. There’s one for you too, it’s on the counter, don’t worry.
I’ll take three.
Tassel Flush Mount: I mean obviously I’m going to have tassels. I don’t know why but I’ve always been drawn to these things like a cat at playtime. This option is flush mounted to the ceiling but you can also go with a chandelier option, or my personal favorite: the tasseled sconce. I’m also obsessed with this one WHY ARE THEY SO BEAUTIFUL.
Does this come in human size?
Cat Bed: One negative comment about this, Cedric, and it’s all over between us.
She’s perfect.
Marble Coffee Table: I’ve been looking for this table longer than I’ve been looking for you, David, it stays.
I deserve this chair.
Fancy Chair: Oh, I’m sorry, is your masculinity being threatened by my PERFECT BOUDOIR CHAIR, TREVOR? What do you expect me to sit on while I apply my face and dry my hair with a Revlon One-Step?! Am I supposed to stand, like a peasant? We’re in a fight, please remove yourself from my presence and go watch your programs.
I need to improve my art game, I’ll admit it.
Artwork: I’ve actually been in the market for a beautiful piece of art to hang over my headboard. I’m thinking two of these side by side should service nicely. No, I don’t need your help hanging them, Terrance, I do know how to use a hammer and a ruler, thank you.
So luxurious.
Pink Velvet Headboard: There are two kinds of partners in this world: Those who don’t want to have sex on your pink bed, and those who can’t wait to have sex on your pink bed. Choose wisely. Ps-this is $110 dollars. Go.
Live for a good candle sconce.
Candle Sconce: Maybe I just want these so I can say, “Douse the candles, darling, it’s time for bed.” Or maybe I just think two of them would look amazing on either side of the TV. Which exclusively plays The Crown on repeat, in this house.
I secretly want to live in Space.
Accent Chair: I call this one the Judy Jetson. Suitable as an accent chair in the bedroom or living room, and alternatively could turn your bathroom/vanity area into absolute heaven, provided there’s physical space. If it weren’t for a litter box there’d be one of these in my bathroom as we speak. This also makes an excellent chair to catch your clothing when you take it off at the end of the day. You know the chair I’m talking about.
Her highness will see you now.
Rattan Chair: Yes it’s a throne, Michael, what of it?
Not even kidding I’m in love with her.
Area Rug: I LOVE a feminine rug, better still when that rug could double as art if you framed it and hung it on the wall. This rug comes in a full range of sizes by the way, so that you can tailor it to the size of your room, or place one in every room, as a reminder of your divine power over your dwelling.
I kind of can’t handle this cuteness.
Mirrored Jewelry Stand: You know what, I actually really love this one bought in a pair and used as Theirs & Theirs matching catch-alls for jewelry, watches, keys, etc on either side of a dresser or nightstands.
There are no words. But there is plenty of seating.
Asymmetrical Sofa: Presented without commentary.
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