12 Things Single Women Should Buy For Annoying & Inconvenient Moments
We’re gonna be fine guys. I know that as single women it’s easy to feel like we’re kinda out here on our own. Hence the photo above of me walking in very wet, windy, and snowy conditions wondering to myself why I do these things. There are certain situations that come up in the life of a single woman that make us compulsively think, “ugh, I wish I had someone around to do this for me.” And because we shouldn’t have to hire a goddamn task rabbit every time the pickles won’t open, I give you: items that will make life better for single women in annoying and inconvenient moments.
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Away, vermin!
The Critter Catcher: I want to stay as far as humanly goddamn possible from anything alive in my home that is not my cat. There is no shame in being scared of pestilence of any kind, especially not when a device with a long arm exists to help us rid ourselves of these plagues while keeping our distance. You are also welcome to use a vacuum, but I despise the idea of bugs entering the inside of an appliance that I will then need to empty with my hands. Catch, release, relief.
Grow.
Extra Inches Of Human Height: I am 5’6. My cabinets are 11’9 or some shit like that. Not being able to reach things is one of the most annoying and simultaneously easy to fix situations in a single woman’s home. Not tall enough? Buy yourself some height, sweetie. I do however also recommend also buying the anti-slip stickers below because falling off a ladder as a single woman living alone is also one of my biggest fears and lets just nip that right in the bud, cool?
Come to me.
A Servant, Kind Of: It was recently discussed in my podcast’s Facebook group how annoying if not sad it is that we never have anyone around to bring us a cup of coffee. Problem solved. This coffee alarm clock brews bedside, so your first morning cup does not require leaving your bed. Additionally, you get to wake up to the smell of coffee as opposed to the cacophonic tones of an iPhone’s default alarm.
Enough suffering.
Electric Hands: I will have you know that this product has a 5-star Amazon rating with over THREE THOUSAND PEOPLE weighing in on it’s efficacy. I like olives. I like pickles. I enjoy salsa. I do not enjoy hurty hands. Skip that nonsense with the rubber mats and just buy yourself a surefire solution for less than $15. It drills underneath a cabinet (which is not hard to do, I’ve installed a paper towel holder myself much the same way), and eliminates the need to either have a boyfriend or throw away entire jars of delicacies. Win.
Build me a fortress.
Wireless Home Security: We live in the future. No longer must we hire some dude in a truck to wire our homes for safety and pay a gajillion dollars a month to whatever service it is our parents also use. These days, you can wirelessly connect your home to a security system that is easy to install and convenient to utilize. You can buy extra sensors really easily, but for anyone in an apartment this 5-piece set should be a great start. More things should be controlled via our phones and centered around increasing our peace of mind.
Prevention is better than a cure.
Preventative Measures: Do you want to snake a tub drain? Me neither.
Quite chic, really.
The Chic, Effective Nightlight: Yes this is marketed as a nightlight for children, but I find it to be perfect for single women for two reasons. First, it’s chic as hell, and no one nests like a single woman. Two, the soft yellow light creates a sense of safety without emitting a brightness that will wake you up too much. Keep this on in your main room or hallway at night, and when it’s off, it’s simply adding to your overall decor aesthetic.
I’m not getting up, ever.
A Butler, Essentially: While I don’t necessarily believe the trendspeak about us needing fridges for our skincare, I do wholeheartedly believe in keeping one of these on your desk, in your living room next to your couch, or on your nightstand. Why should you have to get up for your Diet Coke or sparkly water? You shouldn’t have to, is what I’m saying. This one comes in four colors to fit all of our design preferences, and doesn’t look super vintage-y in case you don’t want to feel like your home is turning into a sock hop. It chills up to six cans at a time and there’s a removable shelf so you can mix up what you keep cool and close and hand.
Safety first.
The Escape Tool: This tool goes on your keychain and is designed to break windows and cut seatbelts in the event of a car emergency I’d rather not think about. If you own or drive a car, ever, you should probably have one of these. I think this is the most you can increase your personal contingency safety for less than $12.
Orchestrate your home like a symphony.
Smartplugs: I hate nothing quite the same way that I hate getting out of bed to turn off forgotten lights. I just want to scream at Alexa to handle that shit for me. Thus, I have many items in my home plugged into smart plugs that let me control them from my phone or by yelling at my robot. I like this very much.
On firm footing.
Non-Slip Stickers: Not the sexiest product, admittedly, but a highly functional one. Put these in the tub, on stairs, essentially anywhere that slips could or have already occurred to increase your personal safety and keep you firmly upright instead of very scarily fallen down somewhere. A super cheap way to make sure you feel a little more secure.
Form, function, hydration.
A Bedside Carafe: A lot of being a single woman is essentially just insulating ourselves from needing people to bring us shit. Bedside water is essential, especially in winter when heating dries us up like human prunes. This is the most chic and minimalist version of a carafe set I could find, and helps us ensure that when we need midnight water, our feet needn’t touch the floor.
You might also enjoy reading about things I think single women should buy to increase coziness or work more comfortably from home.
